1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died..

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of
tired..

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment
at work when you know that you just aren't going to
do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?
I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it
asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that
I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will
never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings
nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't
answer?
Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then
not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a
waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know
not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday
or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite
than Kay.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was
going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each
hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom
and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?"
before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or
understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front.
Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber
every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going
to
die after leaning your chair back a little
too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate
drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I
always hate cyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their
car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and
Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find
and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes
closed, first time,every time!