Since Michael Jackson was 99% plastic, he will be melted down and moulded into Lego so that children can play with him for a change...

McDonalds has announced "the McJackson". It's a 50 year old piece of meat between 6 year old buns.

I'm going to see a new group next month - the Jackson 4.

Michael Jackson had so much plastic surgery they are moving his corpse straight into Madame Tussauds - no need for a waxwork.

After the autopsy they stitched Michael Jackson up with a glue gun.

Jacko died of a heart attack this morning shocked when he discovered that Boyz II Men was a band, not a delivery service.

Bad timing with the Jacko death - he was due on a family vacation in Florida next week... he was going to Tampa with the kids.

It seems Michael Jackson didn't die of a heart attack at home. He was in the children's ward, having a stroke.

Due to Michael Jackson's unexpected demise, all of his dates in London have had to be cancelled. Starting with James, aged 10, Peter aged 9...

Michael Jackson's three kids are being taken over by the NSPCC. However, Madonna has already said she would take Bubbles to add to their growing collection of monkeys!

MJ is not going to be buried or cremated but recycled into plastic shopping bags so that he can remain white, plastic and dangerous for kids to play with.

MJ has just been refused entry into Heaven...
Don't blame it on the sunshine,
Don't blame it on the moonlight,
Don't blame it on the good times,
Blame it on the buggery.

An autopsy has revealed that Jacko's death was drug related. Medical experts are warning of the dangers of using 7 to 10 year old crack!

Confirmation has been received that Michael Jackson died today. Sources close to the Jackson family say the cause of death was a heart attack brought on by food poisoning. Apparently he ate some 12 year old nuts.

The world mourns the loss today of two great white women, Farrah and Michael.

Michael Jackson wanted to be cremated, and his ashes to be placed in a box of rice bubbles - just so he could experience coming out of a kids arse again.

They are going to bury Michael in South Australia - they get a 5 cent refund for recyclable plastics.

He didn't die of a heart attack. He drowned in the Hudson River. His body was found bobbing under a buoy.

Farrah Fawcett went into a coma. God appeared and said to her "Farrah, you have given so much pleasure to so many people, what would you like as your final wish?" Farrah said "I would like all the children around the world to be happy and safe". so God killed Michael Jackson.

Police have ruled out foul play in the death of Jacko, he simply tripped over a pram in his flat. Police are blaming it on the buggy.

Jacko's ghost has been sighted in a children's hospital, looks like he will continue to try to put the willies up small children.

Michael Jackson is dead. Hospital staff don't know what to do with the body as plastic recycle night is not until next Tuesday.

In a recent interview, Michael Jackson said he wants to have 10 children. He also said he wants to be a father again.